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A Guy Called Loretta
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In my youth I had a girlfriend who was living with her uncle Sam who was also living with his partner Rob. At first I was very shy so to make me laugh they kept talking to me about a made up friend called Loretta who thought I was cute and wanted to meet me. They were two of the nicest and funniest guys you could see.

One drunken night after my girl dumped me I was out with my friends and told them the story of Sam, Rob and Loretta. Of course the teasing started and they made up a bunch of scenerios and that maybe I could give Loretta a call.

The song is basic, punkish and fun to write. Hope you enjoy the humour.
Released: 04-May-2024
Category: Punk
Application: GarageBand
File type: mp3
File size: 8.0 Mb
Plays: 21
Downloads: 0
Weekly plays: 1
Weekly downloads: 0
License: Commerical derivatives allowed; contact artist for permission
Lyrics
When I first answered the phone her call game from outta the blue
She introduced herself told me her name and I said Loretta Who?
She said mutual friends Sam and Rob told her my girl dumped me
They told her I was down and needed a friend for some good company
She invited me over I said ok but what are your expectations
She said nothing serious just a drink and some good conversation
Her voice was funny but I still decided to go meet her face to face
So I got in my car and using gps I drove over to her place
When she opened the door I was SHOCKED at what I saw I must admit
Loretta looked like a linebacker with high heels and pink lipstick
She said don’t be afraid you can come in for just one beer
I may be large but I’m a gentle man, i mean woman you got nothing to fear.

I didn’t want to be rude so we sucked back a few beers I think it was bud lite
And before I knew it I looked at the clock and it was half past midnight
Then he put his hand on my leg I said what the hell and then I realized
He was looking me over up and down undressing me with his eyes
So I told him I must be going as I bent down to pick up my shoes
But then all of a sudden he pinched my bum and I politely refused
Then he hugged me tight I felt a ball as he wrestled me to the floor
He pinned me down I could not move he was 210 and 6 feet four
I said no thank you I’m not gay I’m not in that mood
He said I think your cute you might like it I really want to do you good
So he rolled me over pulled my pants down well below my knees
I asked him to stop he said nice pants put these thongs on you little tease

Then he pulled off his wig took off his shoes he said can’t blame me for trying
He pulled down his dress he was rocking hard he had the biggest rooster I ever seen
He picked me up carried me over to the massage table
Then he layed me down I tried to get away but I was just unable
And at the last second I pulled free and jumped on to the floor
Then there was a knock and it was Sam and Rob walking through the door
Sam said happy to see you I’m glad you’re both getting along
Now we have four we’re all gonna score oh by the way nice pink thong
At the moment Loretta got up went to the fridge to get the boys a beer
That was my opportunity my big chance to get the hell out of there
So I picked up my clothes they were scattered all over the floor
I didn’t bother putting them on I just wanted to run right out that door

I was speeding home cops saw me they said pull over to the right
I tried to explain he said you must be drunk you’re going to jail tonight
Three hours later behind bars I was pacing all about
Then the guard came he said you’re in luck a guy called Loretta is here to bail you out.
I spent the rest of the night speeding away I was trying to get away from her
There ain’t no way a guy called Loretta is gonna have me and thats for sure.
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Comments
artist
Too funny Matt!
LOL...
:-)
Latest song: TIME FOR ME TO GO
6 months ago
artist
Crazy in the best way. Sounds like one of Zappa's insane stories.
Latest song: Carvan Sun
6 months ago
artist
I like your story ...not my kind of genre, but thanks for listening to my noise too!
Great lyrics. Super fun.
The old drummer in me cannot help thinking that the music would benefit from drums and guitar riff playing the in same tempo. 
Latest song: Rhône
6 months ago
artist
Love it!!!!!! :)
6 months ago
artist
That's very good ! Finally the "punk" section gets some more tunes, and in the best (bad) manner... This was an mis-adventure that had to be told, no doubt !!
6 months ago
artist
@Wyndsok @sammydix @StanTheManLoh@DeezeeThanks for the listen guys.  I appreciate it.@KennethLavrsenYes thank you.  that’s something my untrained ear has to work on based on feedback from other songs. What do you suggest?@Dyl thank you.  I used love a lot of punk music and the attitude  back in the day.  Not the extreme stuff though but that’s the same with all types of music.Just a reminder. … the storyline is 100% made up and based on mindless conversations 😝
6 months ago
artist
So Yooo Neeek = stylings with your accents , bringing forth more light to the gist of your tale , with some ironic turns at the ends of these given phrases .. Tame Riffing .
Latest song: Golden Dusk
6 months ago
artist
@scottthorwath thanks Scott I just tried to keep the music extremely basic behind the story 👍
6 months ago
Maybe related to sweet Loretta Martin and cousin of L -o-l-a.. One never knows where inspiration comes from...
5 months ago
artist
Fun, fun, fun in the Punk lane.
5 months ago
artist
@ Sociallite1957 definitely two of my favourite bands.
5 months ago
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